The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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