Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm bleeding and have questions
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
