I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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