No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
