3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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