All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
