i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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