giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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