I seem to have left my pride at pride
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pants are for mortals
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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