Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
