If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
