my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
