I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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