apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
no you cant smoke seaweed
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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