Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
