If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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