Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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