You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
