Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Found the puke drawer
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
