Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
