so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
