yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
