do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
