I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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