btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
