I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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