i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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