I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
