All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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