Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
