Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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