Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
