i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
home. puking in laundry basket.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
