Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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