Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
