i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
