Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
