She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
