i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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