I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
