apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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