I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My vagina is officially offended.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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