i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
