Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
