My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
