Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
