Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
