I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
