I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
