The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
