We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
