let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
