I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
